
I received a question some time ago from a parent, that I know many may come or have come to have to deal with... here is some food for thought that we shared. Please note you are free to add comments and open this to a discussion that we can all share and benefit from!
As times change, and we are so busy with so much - many of us are having to rely on a returning to raising children using "older times village" concepts... where we all can partner in helping and collaborating in our evolutions.
Subject: How can we motivate our son to get back into hockey?
Question: Our son has now been playing rep hockey for several years. He is an amazing player when he puts his heart into it. We aren't those parents that yell at him after a game. It just seems that he doesn't put his all into it anymore and we have asked him why? He said he still loves it and wants to play it but we still don't understand why his motivaton has gone! Please help us to try and motivate him we have tried everything!!! From a concerned parent...
Answer: Dear Concerned Parent... I can certainly empathize with what you are experiencing. Without knowing "MORE" about your son's total experience it may be difficult to pinpoint what could be the issue here. However I can offer a couple question/ideas from my experience as coach/instructor and hockey dad/parent... and you can maybe explore these with your family...
I assume that you have determined that it is not something physical -- i.e. some particular health issue that could be draining him!?
Given that, sometimes a boy may lose "energy" because of a particular conflict with a teammate or coach... a certain fear from some sort of intimidation. Of course - I don't know if your son speaks openly about these things - but some kids don't necessarily ... so you may need a slow heart to heart talk to find out this sort of stuff... An alternative may be to speak with some of his friends, or parents of his friends if he "travels" with others. They may have overheard something.
It is GREAT that you are concerned by this as there could be underlying problems that he may need guidance on... Here are some other ideas?
Is it possible that he has a new girlfriend in his eye? Could it be that he may no longer want to play in the position that he is in (defense or forward or even goalie??) Maybe he wants to have a chance at scoring goals? Or getting more physical.
Is there a bully on the team? Is it possible that he is being teased - and he does not like it?
Maybe he witnessed or experienced something that is troubling him and makes it hard for him to "feel" fully energized or at ease?
It is not uncommon that there may be a part of him that really wants to please his parents too... so you may have to somehow make it clear (if you can) that you will be happy and proud and love him no matter what he chooses to do (without conditions)... providing he gives it his "best" even if it does not include what YOU think is "his all"?
Maybe he likes hockey - but it is not his "passion"? Maybe he has found another passion and does not know how to tell you about it? Maybe he is still searching for a passion that really turns him on??
All this to basically say - that there may be something more that is not fully known or apparent... these are times, as parents, where we must be real patient, understanding, open, offering him compassion and allow for him/her to open up somehow -- as this is generally the "best" way to find out in most cases... Know too that this CAN take a while - so go slow and go with the flow - show genuine interest in him and "his" life - keep talking ... never give up on him ... and if you pray, do so that he opens up and shares. Otherwise hang in there ... most often it is a passing fad and it may just fade away... But unless you are involved in his life and show you care - you never know what "other" road he could take.
Know this -- he is very lucky to have you -- you would be surprised at how many parents care less and don't even bother...
Feel free to provide comments and share experiences!
GOOD LUCK WITH THE PUCK!
Martial